i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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