yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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