sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
