I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
