no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
