Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
