dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
