how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
