ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
