TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
