It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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