its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
