I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Of course I have a pirate flag
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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