i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
