I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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