the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
