I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
