I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
