maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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