You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
