Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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