sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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