If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
