Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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