Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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