mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
