my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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