I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
