He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
