I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
