Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
