In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
