i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
