After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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