So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
