Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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