I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
