i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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