U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
