Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I look better un-naked...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
