There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
