You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my being single is dangerous.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
