Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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