Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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