dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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