It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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