Someone shit on the floor
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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