Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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