Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just invented taco cereal.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
