Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
