Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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