I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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