i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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