Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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