Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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