So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
