My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Houston, we have a squirter
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
