i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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