So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
