Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
