I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
