Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
