i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
