if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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