I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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