no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
