oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
