Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
