I am puke
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize