I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
