I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
