I hate all girls vehemently.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
