At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
