We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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