what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
