I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
