dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
