i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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