Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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