Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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