All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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