I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
