once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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