The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
