ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
