So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
