just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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