My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
