So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
