I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
