so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
