theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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