I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
