9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
