I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
