remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
