If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
