thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize