Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
