do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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