Please, let me fuck your mom
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Panties = found
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
