that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
