I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
