I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
