The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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