You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
