How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
