my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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