Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
