Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
