I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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