You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
