so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Two words: blizzard sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
